Monday, July 20, 2009

don't marry a guy like me.

Why am I writing a narcissistic blog? I'm tired and bored. I used to be excited by life, but
some day's I wonder if Jean-Paul Sartre was right, "hell is other people", or maybe I'm
just tired of conformists? I put an ad in Craigslist, but
removed it--didn't want to come across as weird. Plus I tried this once before and
it seemed like every Russian teen boy was asking me for money.


here's my ad(ad.com sold for 1.5 million dollars-crazy?):

Do you possess these personality traits?


1. I want a woman who sincerely wants me to make a ton of money, even if that involves extorting the poor and uninformed--because gosh darn it--she deserves only the best!

2. I want a woman who only reads magazines like Vogue and People, but gave up serious reading once she got her B.A. degree.

3. I want a woman who interrogates me, like a prisoner in Guantanamo Bay, on our first date; I will not tolerate water boarding though. I will bring my 1040 and my TRW report, current resume, DMV printout and sperm count. I’m working on getting my genetic profile—will furnish ASAP—please bear with me.

4. I want a woman who thinks she is smarter than anyone else. It would be a plus if you blame all your failures on your parents, or just males (all males in the animal kingdom would be a major plus).

5. I want a woman who thinks the women at work don't like her because they
are intimidated by her looks; oh yea, the men don't like you because you
have a superior intellect and you are a threat—mother fucking misogynists!


6. I want a woman who will only marry a rich white guy, but will sleep
with black men-after all, she's into equal opportunity when it come
to her lust. Bisexuality is also acceptable as long as you’re drunk! A

7. I want a woman who has to call people and apologize and blame it all
on the alcohol.

8. I want a woman who yells at the homeless for smoking on street. They
are just a waste of space anyway and “Honestly”--just plain lazy!

9. I want a woman who sends her food orders back regularly, because she's
also a "Foodie", and those Morons can't do anything right!

10. I want a strict vegetarian- who tells everyone how to eat, but will eat
sushi because fish really don't count and fish oil is good for your hair-

11. I want a woman whom scolds me if i make a politically incorrect statement
once a year, but she is allowed to say what ever comes to mind--daily!

12. I want a woman who tells me I need to make more money, but then complains
I work too much.

13. I want a woman whom refers to younger attractive women as cheap and
whorrish (yea, I now spelling is wrong, and the ability to point out grammatical, or spelling in love letters would be great) !!Yea!!

13. I want a woman who loves to boss people around at work, because if you can't
make someone's life miserable-what's the point of it all? Really!

14. I like women who use a lot of clichés; "Dam I'm good" is my favorite!

15. I want a woman who has the perpetually single "best friend", whom is
nice to me when i include her on dates, because I feel sorry for her, but subtly berates me behind my back, in order to get her single best friend back. This is a must-sorry.

16. I want a women who, every once and a while, maybe one, 2X a year, but no more, does something altruistic, but you need to tell all your friends about your your act of kindness—everyone—including random strangers. Important disclaimer—disregard #16; I’d rather be with a complete narcissist.



If this is you-give me a big hollaback



No comments:

Post a Comment